we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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