fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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