you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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