Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
