I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My breasts were aching with rage.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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