he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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