As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
