That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
