Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
