Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
