The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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