So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
