There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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