I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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