Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
