I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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