my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
