Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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