3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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