Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
