Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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