you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
