id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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