____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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