You really coming over, don't trick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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