why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
