If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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