You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he was CRYING into my vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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