I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
