Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize