Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
