im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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