omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
