I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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