went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
