He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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