The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm bleeding and have questions
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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