Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize