3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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