Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize