Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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