I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
