Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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