Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
