It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
