WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
