He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
