I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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