we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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