if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
