wakey wakey hands off snakey
Everything about him screamed your future.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
