FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
