u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
