I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
