I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
