I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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