She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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