Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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