9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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