Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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