did you get engaged???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
