Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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